Sunday, February 20, 2011

Serious Sciencemonger Global Warming Information

An unholy alliance of Santa and Al Gore?

Unless your head is permanently stuck into a posterior, you've heard Al Gore and his merry band of global warming alarmists carrying on about how ice is melting, polar bears are starving, penguins are dying, the north pole will be devoid of ice last year, this year, next year, in some indeterminate period of time, etc, etc.

I was curious about the carbon being evil meme after seeing that Domino Sugar actually came out with a version of sugar that is "Carbon Free".  And no, I'm not making this up.  Found it on various places and sure enough, there's an actual statment on the Domino website that they have carbon free sugar.  Which, as you probably know, is no mean feat as a preponderance of the chemical makeup of sugar is, you guessed it, carbon.

Carbon

Atomic Number:6Atomic Symbol:C
Atomic Weight:12.011Electron Configuration:2-4
Shells:2,4Filling Orbital:2p2
Melting Point:sublimes @ 3500oCBoiling Point:4827oC
Uses:making of steels, filters, pencils and many more uses



Since carbon is an element found in sugar, without it you have no sugar.  Here, this is the chemical makeup of sugar.  Source is wikipedia.  See all the C's in there?  That's carbon.  You cannot have sugar without carbon.
While it is, to me, irritating that Domino is so desperate to be "Green" that they actually claim to have carbon free sugar, I decided to put aside petty differences and instead look deeper into the ramifications that this new and improved carbon free sugar has to offer.  What I found totally amazed me...

Enter the Get Stewed Sciencemongers.  Tasked with determining how this new and improved sugar could actually be sugar sans the element carbon the Sciencemongers dove in.  They cleaned the pizza boxes off, donned lab coats, started up those spinny things, some put tape on glasses and all joined the ranks of the pocket protector club as science oozed forth as if gifted from the firmament.

Firing up the Get Stewed Posi-Tronic Scienc-ey Micr'skope they bustled about hurriedly for hours before ushering me into the boardroom and showing me that the carbon in Domino Sugar had been replaced by a new element.  Amazing.  Earth shattering news, and my humble band of Sciencemongers figured this out all by themselves in just a few hours.  Amazing what a lab coat and a few spinny things can do eh?

The image below shows the new element contrasting the previous presence of Carbon:

You can clearly see a new chemical element where the carbon was.  What is the new element?  Simple, it's Algoricol.  A new element.  The Sciencemongers gave Algoricol the abbreviation of MBP for Man-Bear-Pig.

Now this is earth shattering and interesting and all that.  But what, you may ask, does this have to do with an unholy alliance between Santa and Al Gore?  Because that is what this is really all about you see.  Well, I'll tell you.  The chemical makeup of our base sucrose sugar is; C12H22O11. When the C12. is removed, you're left with H22O11.

Another way of writing this is H2O x 22.  What does this leave us with?  HHo  As an Hh creates a silent second "h", we get Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho!

Which can only be either Charlie Sheen on a two night coke bender, a snippet of a sermon by Jesse Jackson or Santa.

Forget media bias, union thuggery, or even racist Tea Partiers, the real danger here is Al Gore and Santa working in unison to bring us a world barren of snow and carbon. 

Now if I don't win a Nobel Prize for science after this, the whole thing is rigged.  RIGGED I SAY!!!

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Be nice. Get a sense of humor. Deal people.